Finally they got a change of water and the bowl thoroughly scrubbed. They get fed everyday and are great breakfast entertainment but since this whole Leukaemia thing started I've just got not around to cleaning the little fellas. I have been feeling guilty about it for days.

It has been a quiet weekend, a weekend of consideration, a weekend of cancellation. Being someone with an ordered mind I find that to take on a task as large as this I need to break it into smaller chunks. To me before I can sort out what I can do with my life before and during my treatment I need to deal with that which I can't.

There are varying levels of immunity to infection. Right now mine is low, during treatment it will be zero. For now then, while I wait for a swine flu epidemic that may never come, I need to make some lifestyle changes to help avoid getting ill.

I've talked to my Hematologist and spent many an hour scouring the internet to see how others have dealt with this situation and on this world wide web I have found little to go on. Most, it would seem, are treated straight away so do not have to suffer a protracted wait for treatment.

What I have found is some who avoid infection at all costs and others who carry on life as usual and accept the antibiotic cocktail that their system then needs. In trying to strike a happy medium and set a policy that is vaguely workable I've conjured the phrase "Crowds and Contact". I.e. those are the things I need to avoid. By staying away from crowds and avoiding physical contact I should, all being well, remain infection free.

Fortunately my work is such that I do not need to use trains, buses or The Underground, prime territories for sharing pathogens that will not be difficult to avoid. I can also work predominantly from home. Meetings at the office can serve as a means for keeping in touch whilst avoiding entire days spent in recycled air and gambling with infection each time I select one of the eclectic shared mugs from the kitchen.

All this seems eminently workable but there's a lot more to give up: Today I have canceled a number of gigs in London that I was due to photograph. Live music photography is a passion of mine but for now I cannot get to the gigs or even be in the venues that host them. It may be next summer before I can start shooting them again.

Tomorrow I will be canceling my attendance at a number of social events that were lined up for the next few months. The office Christmas party is off limits for this year too.

This process is not a wallowing in the potential boredom that my current condition imposes but an essential part of coming to terms with my short term predicament. The key, I think, is in striking a considered compromise between demanding absolute freedom, but opening myself up for inevitable infection, and allowing myself to be trapped by fear. Staying at home all the time and staring out of the windows. Slowly pacing around. Like a fish, in a bowl.